Wonder

Often, I wonder if you see the sunrise the same way you saw it when we were holding each other. Do you remember how the sun warmed your skin while the flavor of our kiss lingered?

Do you think of me on late night drives while the wind runs through your hair, the way my fingers used to? We counted those stars once, and they lit up the sky for us. 

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What you’ve done

How do I learn to forget, when this pain tears at my confidence?

Inside I’m dying because I can’t help but wonder, did you make her laugh, too?

Did she feel the warmth of your hand on the small of her back the way I did? Did you whisper those same secrets, the ones you said were meant for me?

I earned my place here. I fought for your love. I put in the time. She offered nothing more than I had already given. Still, you embraced her.

She was shiny and new, newer than me. Our love was worn. I was there through your struggle. I put in the work and she got the reward.

Now we sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms in separate houses. I hate how I still cry for you. I hate that you were so weak.

I’m broken because I loved. I’m broken, and I knew all along. I knew you. I stayed despite the warning signs, and now I’m empty.

But not as empty as you. My soul remains. And yours?

You left it sleeping in her bed.

Delicate

How dare you take my heart and handle it so carelessly. What you held was precious to me. I was so careful with it. 

I warned you, it bruised easily and you promised you had gentle hands. You said you saw it’s value, yet here it is, shattered, bruised, broken. And there you sit, unmoved by the damage you’ve caused. 

This was all I had, it was all I could have given anyone and who’s going to accept it now, with so many fragile and weak points. I’ve done my best to repair it, but everyone will see the mark you’ve left. I’m not new and shiny anymore. 

I was beautiful once, so pristine, so eager to feel loves embrace. Look at what you’ve done to me. I was polished and all of these tears have rusted everything that used to shine. 

Cycle

I don’t know which is worse, the heartbreak or the silence that falls afterward.

Not the silence that comes before the tears fall, but the emptiness you feel when you’ve cried endlessly and there’s nothing left. The numbness that drips down your back and spreads through your body like electricity when you realize you don’t feel anything.

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It Doesn’t Have To Feel This Way

I never thought it would feel this way, not like this. I thought being in love was supposed to be warm and soft, beautiful and strong with bits of passion and laughter.

I thought it would be smiles that last for days and warm kisses on the cheek on cold nights when the snow seemed endless and the chilled air bit at the delicate edges of my ears. I thought it would be open arms and comforting words during times of self-doubt and encouragement when I didn’t feel I was enough. Maybe I’m too much of a romantic or maybe I dreamt a bit too big.

I know it shouldn’t feel this way.

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Remember to Forget

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he watched the sun fall behind the snow covered mountains through his small bedroom window. The room was lit by a single candle on the night stand to his right, where a torn paper seemed to glow under the deep black ink of the words, “I love you, I always will.” A drop of whiskey from his glass had spilled, smudging the word ‘always’.

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Rebel

I want to get out of this place. Out of this room, this house, this cold and heartless state. I’ve always been an outsider, weird, different. I never understood why I couldn’t fit in. I tried to mimic the ”normal” kids, but I never seemed to get it right. I didn’t mind, or maybe I didn’t notice; I thought my own company was more entertaining than talking about barbies and boys.
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It doesn’t have to feel this way…

I never thought it would feel this way, not like this. I thought being in love was supposed to be warm and soft, beautiful and strong with bits of passion and laughter. I thought it would be smiles that last for days and warm kisses on the cheek on cold nights when the snow seemed endless as the chilled air bit at the delicate edges of my ears.

I thought it would be open arms and comforting words during times of self-doubt; encouragement when I didn’t feel I was enough. Maybe I’m too much of a romantic or maybe I dreamt a bit too big. I know it shouldn’t feel this way.
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