I realized it then, but I didn’t see it clearly enough to understand.
It was the way the sincerity in your words
had been lost, your focus shifted to everything else.
Truth is, I knew I hadn’t been on your mind for a while and I was holding my heart together with thin strings of hope that I knew weren’t strong enough to save me from the fall.
My eyes traced the rough edges of your hand as it rested on the edge of the window. Soft curls of smoke made the way you firmly held onto your cigarette seem out of place. You held me that way, once.
I missed you then, sitting there in your car. Now that the pain has settled into the cracks of my heart, it’s so clear. I was just another habit you wanted to break.